You Can’t Always Get What You Want

I have a curse.  My hair has been the bane of my existence as long as I can remember.  This straight, voluminous mane mocks me from atop my head every day.  Its ability to bounce back from insane chemical treatments ruins every attempt at an “edgy” or “interesting” hairdo.  Most importantly though, it refuses to hold a curl.
The physics of why my hair won’t hold a curl are quite simple:  it’s too heavy, so the curl is pulled out, no matter how hard I try.  While the texture of my hair is quite fine, the amount on my head is insane.  Insane.  I’ve had multiple hair stylists complain about it.  I warn the salon when I make an appointment for anything more than a hair cut.  There’s just too much hair for basic curling iron and hair spray styles.
I recently decided to get my hair permed, to see if I could break my hair’s will.  I’ve always loved the way my hair looked curled, but am far too lazy to spend the amount of time necessary to style in that way.  I figured if I got a perm, I’d wake up every day with messy, adorable curls that looked fine even without help.
Not so.  Here’s what having a perm looks like for me:

0:00:  Immediately after the shower.  The water and curl shampoo have made my hair into tangled up spirals.  Add curl-holding mousse.  Then, either:

  • Air dry:  hair becomes slightly frizzy, maintains wave
  • Blow dry with diffuser:  hair comes out pretty much how I want it to.  Loose, messy curls and waves.  Add hairspray.
  • Blow dry without diffuser:  Hair loses all curl.  Add straightening serum to tame flyaways.  Game over.

5:00:  Hair begins to go flat, if air dried.
7:00:  Hair begins to go flat, if dried with diffuser.
12:00-14:00: Hair is mostly just waves at this point
24:00:  Hair is totally straight.  Game over.  Play again?

So it seems there may be no hope.  Girls with straight hair will continue pining for curly hair, curly-haired girls will keep wishing they had straight hair.  Even in this modern age, you can’t always get what you want.

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