How Not to be Jealous of a Friend’s Baby

One of the strangest things about passing the 25 years old line, is that my friends have started to want babies. Not just want to hold them, or play with them, but want them. Want them in their bodies, in their homes, in the backseat of the car — with them. All the time. They want to be parents. The flip side of being mid-twenties, is that for the rest, that biological desire hasn’t yet reared its head. I love my life, and I love kids, but having one in my home and my life? Still sounds like the worst thing ever.

So supporting your best friend while she tries hard to get pregnant when you can’t imagine why she’d ever want such a thing? Hard. Giving her advice on how to manage her jealousy that another of your mutual friends was going to be a mom and she wasn’t yet? Harder. And so, in my way, I wrote for her. It’s how you hold hands and stroke hair when your relationship is long-distance. I gave her my (misguided maybe) guide on how not to be jealous of your friend’s baby:

1) Be jealous. It’s okay. Just take some time and instead of being supportive, be annoyed. Tell your best friend you wish it was you instead; tell your husband you’re begrudging someone their baby. Take a very short time and be irrationally angry at someone else for having what you want. Close the door, and do what it takes to feel that jealousy. Cry? Yell? Look at pictures of babies and think about how much cuter one you would make would be, then the one they will make. Don’t be rational. Be jealous

2) Be rational. Separate your jealousy from your friend. Think about how much they’ve wanted a baby, and think of this baby as one that could have only ever been theirs. There isn’t a finite number of babies in the world; there isn’t any chance this baby could have belonged to anyone else. Think of how excited they are and how jealous that makes you and translate all that jealousy into pride and support. Give them a onesie.

3) Drink a glass of wine, because you still can, and because it’s awesome

4) Remind your future baby you’re excited to meet him/her. Talking to eggs is in no way creepy if you are alone in the room and you never tell anyone you did it. Ever.

5) When in doubt, start at one. And buy your onesies in bulk– it’s cheaper that way.

Megan loves her friends’ babies, even if she wouldn’t want to live with them

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