Drinking: What Happens at Night Stays at Night

I’m a traditionalist.  I like my eggs for breakfast, dessert after dinner (not before), and heavy drinking left for night time.  Heidi recently wrote a post about day drinking, when the sun is out and everything.  I find drinking during the daytime to be a novelty, sure.  Something that I feel rebellious doing, but not something I could adopt into my usual party scene.  There are too many drawbacks, like being able to see the antics you’re getting up to.

For example, when else am I going to wear my sequined bandage dress?  Night time is the perfect time for your most scandalous clothing.  The lighting–minimal, that is–is perfect for sequins, since they catch it and make you look radiant.  It’s also great for low-cut tops and short skirts.  If you accidentally have a wardrobe malfunction, it’s less likely anyone will notice.  I feel ridiculous caking tons of makeup on when I’ll be seen in the midday sun.  At night, though, you can rouge it up, because it takes a lot of makeup to get noticed under the glow of a neon light.  I feel more comfortable embracing my party persona after the lights have gone out.

Being foolishly drunk during the middle of the day seems sad, too.  While other people are out being productive and getting things done, I’m pouring myself another margarita?  At first glance, this doesn’t sound so bad, but if you think about it, it’s a little embarrassing.  It makes me feel like a leech on society when I’m lazing around during usual business hours.  Have you ever ridden the bus drunk at 5pm on a Tuesday?  People in their business attire pile onto the buses and read books or check their email on their way home.  You…you get the hiccups and lean on the guy next to you every time the bus rounds a corner.  Nobody wants to be that girl.

Besides, many sad side effects from drinking–flushed red cheeks, slightly runny makeup, a wobble in your walk–are much more noticeable in broad daylight.  This means that beer goggles are less effective during the day.  So if you planned on checking out cute guys, too bad.  That’s not an adorably cute hipster, that’s a homeless man with actual 3” thick glasses.  And a cat on his shoulder.

So, while I can understand why great-aunt Ruth likes to get her drink on at noon, I think I’ll stick to the midnight hour.  Sure, it means sacrificing the first half of the next day sometimes, and maybe you’ll miss the last bus home once or twice, but you’ll have a reason to keep that super tight dress in your closet.

Minnie doesn’t drink much anymore, but when she does, you can bet it’ll be after the sun goes down.

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