Why Does Anyone Date John Mayer?

Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Surely, this will end in heartbreak and a hit single about what a jerk he is. She will certainly mention his famous family name, and I doubt he’ll actually deserve it. I’ve already expressed my doubts on Taylor’s ability to tell a break up story fairly, but there was one ex where I gave her a pass: John Mayer. On John, I faithfully accepted that he’s the reason their relationship ended in a flaming pile of douche-toolery. Which brings me again to my new favorite celebrity question: Why does anyone date John Mayer?

John Mayer has most recently been seen canoodling (who doesn’t love that word!?) with Katy Perry. Katy apparently felt that the best rebound from Russell Brande, who seems like the lovable kind of douche, was John Mayer, who seems like the kind of douche who thinks it’s okay to grope that girl passed out at the party because they hooked up that one time.

Apparently, there’s something about John. There has to be, because he somehow keeps getting women to date him despite very public displays of the undateable. It’s not just that Taylor Swift clearly outlined how poorly he treated her during their time together in her song, Dear John. I know I don’t doubt her word in this case, though John has said of the song, “I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.”

But when not defending himself in interviews, John is giving me plenty of reason to hate him on his own, without resorting to the he-said, she-said of a relationship that has deteriorated. Take his comments to Playboy (article no long available online, but Rolling Stone has a brief) which ranged from publicly commenting on his sex life with ex-Jessica Simpson, calling her “sexual napalm” to claiming he has a Bennington heart, but that his “dick is sort of like a white supremacist.” Or look at the fact that he thinks finding the love of his life isn’t about finding a woman who challenges him intellectually, or makes him laugh, but instead is hunting for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas.” Or maybe just look at what these comments point to, which is a general disregard for the women he dates. He doesn’t consider their feelings, he doesn’t consider their minds, and he doesn’t understand them which he seems to believe is their fault, not his.

John instead buys right into the “all bitches be crazy” stereotype that destroys everyone’s opinion of relationships. His own music speaks to this. Daughters is one of the best examples; a song in which John assumes that because a girl he loves is a complex being with emotions he doesn’t always understand, it can’t simply be that he doesn’t get her or hasn’t built a relationship of trust with her. It must be that daddy didn’t love her enough! He calls on all the daddies, and the mommies, out there to be better to their daughters so that guys like him won’t have to date such crazy bitches. It’s okay if you mistreat your sons though–they’ll soldier on and surely lack any sort of that emotional complexity that makes sexy girls so unsexy.

It addles my brain every time another starlet is seen stepping out with Mayer. It seems so clear that he’s nothing but a jerk with a long line of wrecked relationships in his wake. But then I remember how giddy I get for a boy with an acoustic guitar, and maybe I understand… just a little bit.

Megan is the god and the weight of her own world, thank you very much John

Tags: celebrities, Daughters, Dear John, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer, Katy Perry, Music, Playboy, Racist Penis, Rolling Stone, taylor swift, Why Does Anyone Date